Sunday, December 27, 2009
2. I don't like the fact that I cannot undo what is already done.
3. I don't like it that it would be named "interfering" unless I am asked for advice or help and the fact that I wasn't.
4. I don't belive how stupid people can get!
5. I dont wish to write anymore.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I wish I knew what your actions point to.
I wish I could analyze you better, before being nice to you,
I wish your words would parellel to what you do.
I wish I was a tree,
emotionless, giving away whatever I had, with no regret,
I wish I never felt the way I do,
for someone who didn't deserve it? I wish I could escape all the fret!
I wish I knew if it was me who was wrong,
Or was it you who wasn't strong?
I wish I knew who is more confused,
Because at the end, I am the one who feels abused.
I wish I could withdraw,
I wish I wouldn't have seen you the way I saw.
I wish someday you value people a little more,
Some day you would become what I believed you were.
Monday, December 14, 2009
I dont simply write a post! I write it when I want to share something with my blog. My blog is like my buddy who understands me and knows me better than anyone else. And my life is eventful enough that I manage a post every month! So, thats good news! :D
Someone told me once, "Unplanned events carry an element of surprise and excitement and surprisingly are more successful than the contrary!" Well, how true! When we plan we by convention take a lot of parameters for granted, increasing the possibility of our plans to CHANGE! On the other hand, spontaneity brings an unfamiliar joy! A sense of excitement, which at times is necessary! And there is this other kind of surprise, which is not so pleasant. And this is the most difficult to deal with.
I was a little upset a few days back cause someone gave me very bluntly a reason as to why watching a movie with me could be embarrassing! Being the movie lover I am, it was quiet a setback! lolz.. And as a butterfly effect, a lot of things around me seemed shady to me. In fact I actually planned a few quick movies to boost my moral! :)
There are things we never expect would come our way and so, when they do, we don't really know how to react to them. The first and the most common reaction is to deny the possibility of the happening, that is we question its existence altogether. "Really??........ mmm.... I dont think so!!" Which definitely doesn't work. Second, we try to make up for it. Its always better to move to the second activity directly but then we cannot be expected to behave THAT sensible! Noone can. If you are thinking you are able enough to, then, :P :P :P to you! lolz..
Its said that "change is pre-requisite for growth", well I'd say, " Change itself, is a part of growth." And so I dont see any harm in changing myself with time and bending myself to the personality I actually want myself to carry.
Well this month is turning out to be eventful alright! But I hope the series of events don't get ugly by the end of the year! :)
Sunday, December 13, 2009
"Today" I am using this title again cause once more history repeated itself and I stand at a crossing similar to one I stood at then. The circumstances aren't really the same but they do remind me of past events. As tradition.. I choose the title of my blogs as the state of my mind at that point. The blog may or may not reveal the whats and whys about the title. :) But this blog was worthy of a slight hint fot its title.
Anyways, I have a lot in my tiny little head as usual. I have given CAT, the grand daddy of all MBA entrances. It went pretty decent. Apart from a few things I wish I shouldnt have done in those 2 hours, I think everything went decently well. And by far I haven't been thinking of the kind of score I might get. 22nd Jan is the big day! And I voulentarily will behave unperturbed till it arrives. For now, I have other exams to look forward to.
JMET is tomorrow. MBA in IITs! I am not really sure about it cause IIT prefers work ex people. But I am still giving it a try. Next in line are SNAP(Simbiosys), XAT(Xaviers') and NMAT(Narseemonji, Mumbai).
Apart from exams and MBA my head also carries a little something about AIESEC. My co-Aiesecers are having their LC Day right now. I am still a little unsure as to if I should go there tomorrow after my exam. Most probably I won't and I know later I'll hear a lot of "U missed it" and "U should have come".. but its ok.. I have my own stupid set of reasons to refrain from it.
A new development in me is that I have somehow learnt to be a little rude! Its surprising and I am not happy happy about it but I've managed to find a few instances when I was kinda rude! I have always believed that a little of everything is really important to be complete. Like a little-one would never understand why its wrong to not try and play with the candle-fire unless he burns his finger. The point is, its important to try out everything and then you would find yourself on a better platform to analyze and decide as what you are and what you want to be!
There are times in life when you are afraid of facing situations or rather you wish that that situation would never arise, but it does. Then is the time you take a decision to face it or turn your back on it. I have never turned my back on any situation as of yet and I don't intend to either. But there certainly are situations which I too wish would never arise. Its ironical that the things bound to happen are sometimes so scary! Like the 22nd of Jan! Like 2012! [:P] And the "something" to which this para is dedicated to. I don't know what I would do when I reach that point on the timeline which is moving fast and not showing any signs of mercy.
Name: Dhruv Mathur
State of mind: Uncertain
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I decided to write this blog right after reading this quote somewhere on the net. As soon as I read it, I could connect to it. Belief is a impalpable expression of behavior which has been dependent on the understanding and interpretation of the bearer ever since. For a few people, belief is something which gives them mental satisfaction. Like, people believe in spiritual things. A rich, unethical, sinful man donates lumps of money to his worship place or to the priests or to poor just because he believes that doing this would help him escape the consequences of all bad he has done! People believe there exists a supreme being who keeps an account of whatever they do or intend to do in their lives. So they worship this belief, whom they call GOD. Yes, looking at it the way I do, God is just a belief justified by interpretations of phenomenons bent towards the belief.
Belief can be more substantial in terms when it is in oneself. Like if a successful businessman believes that he is going to double the profits of his prospering business, he might do it! Its another form of belief, but I'd say its a better version of the intangible expression because this guy would work hard to achieve what he believes in because his belief is in his work and not some magical, paranormal phenomenon!
Belief can be on someone! Very cliché in movies "I believe in you!" said by the girl to express true love! My dad believes that I will make it big in life! Its what he believes, he has faith in my abilities! I believe that respect holds higher than monetary possessions and that trust and good communication is the foundation of any relationship! Its my opinion. An opinion I believe in.
The question of belief crops up usually for things we cannot measure tangibly. Abilities of people, love, metaphysical stuff, opinions etc.
If we cannot measure any of these things, which we may or may not believe in, how can anyone say that I need time to believe in something or someone? Isn't it ridiculous? Isn't that person just trying to escape by just giving reasons which have no real significance? If I had to believe in ghosts, I would not wait till I find one on the street. If I do not believe in ghosts, I just don't and finding one on the street would rather leave me amazed more than scared! If I don't believe in love means I never have tried it and I don't want to. Unless we give it a thought or a try rather, we can never establish or test our belief. If I say I do not believe in ghosts and piss in my pants if I have to pass a burial ground at 12 in the night, it is just stupid to keep myself in dark about my own beliefs!
We have set prototypes of things in the world around us. And it gives us a sense of control over ourselves or lets put it as a sense of individuality to declare that we are different. But are we? Very few of us actually mean what we say and the rest just think they do. We hear of homosexuals and we commonly say we support them because we understand their feelings and stuff. Imagine your son after a couple of years telling you that he is a gay and doesn't wanna marry. He refuses to bring home a 'bahu', refuses to give you grandchildren. Don't you think it is difficult or different to experience it than just saying it. I again want to mention that there are people who actually are strong enough to stand by what they think is right, but their number is fewer than we imagine.
For all those who still think they do not believe or they do believe in stuff, think again, give it a chance, give yourself a chance! To depict how important your belief can be to someone, I'd end by quoting:
A thief even if he wants, would never become a good man unless someone tells him, "I believe in you that you would not steal again."
Belief like many other expressions is one which withholds a lot of power in it. Power which can drive you and the people around!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Anyways, a lot has happened since my last post. I went to a crazy conference where i found that people i thought were just friends turned out to be more than that :) a few unknowns added to my friend-o-meter! :) I tried a lot of new stuff too! I drank! :) Like really!! But it was worth the celebration!
NOTE: I have moved to the next paragraph after the drunken line cause I dont really remember what I did after i got drunk :P. Anyways, I do remember that after returning from the conference I had to get back to studying! It sounded scary! But i somehow did.. hmm... yeah.. I did! :)
My 2 lab internals are over now and they both were KHILLER!! I have my written intenals still to go... I'll manage somehow :P
Anyways, I even found time to watch a couple of movies!! And they WERE nice! :) BALLUUU and ALL THE BEST were the two. The movies were decent but I really have to say.. Sanju baba... jogging karoo!! :P and Fardeen baba... Kuch to karoo!! lolz...
I've grown to be this really chilled out guy somehow! No tension, no chick chick types! I have my IRMA exam on the 8th of Nov which is a MBA entrance test for a Rural Management institute. I have no idea what to prepare and from where to! But for the chilled out guy that i have become, I have no tension! :P
Apart from all this, there is some still newer stuff going on in life! Nice stuff! :) I THE LIKES TYPES!!
And i am so happy that because of me a very good friend of mine has started to blog actively!! :) It feels so nice to see that even I can be a source of inspiration! HEHEHE!
At last i'd like to end this random bolg by quoting....
"bak bak hai aapki sun li, kis khet ki aap hai muli tedhe sawaalon ke hai tedhe jawaab miyaan na bibi raaji phir bhi lage hain kaaji itne asamanjas mein hai kyun janaab??" :D
Sunday, September 27, 2009
He was a neighbourhood lad.
She came to the window every evening to water flowers.
He used to wait for her.
One fine evening they exchanged smiles.
It felt good... became a routine.
he liked her... she knew it...
He loved her promising eyes...
Once he called out... But she ignored him... He couldn't understand why...
His voice fell on deaf ears..
Tears trickled down... he waited... called out again...
He wanted to move on... But waited... he believed...
He knew she liked him too...
But the lady who made the flowers blossom, now seemed stone-hearted.
He never knew and would never know why it had to end...
But one thing is obvious...
On the bridge between friendship and love... one needs to take a step... if not forward, the choice made becomes obvious...
Expression marks the foundation of any relationship...
Monday, September 21, 2009
Three hours of non-stop dancing with your peers, best friends, crush, starangers... Couldn't have been better. While dancing if you stop by and take a stroll around the resonating arena, inspite of the fact that the music is too overpowering and the people too indulged in their dance that they might just step over you and proceed to their next dance move, you still feel this outburst of peace and happiness even when you are the 'china shop' amongst the 'bulls'. May be it is the whole gist of Navratri or is it the feel of the everything around at that time which makes you feel that way.
Surprisingly a lot of people who go to try their skills at striking sticks forget the very purpose of the tradition! It is a DEVI maata's puuja! Now how many of us actually went and took blessings from the godess who was sitting there for whom we were supposed to be dancing! Some of us even forgot to look at her! It does happen with a lot of people. We focus on the immediate task and not the final cause. But anyways, the Godess doesn't really mind... after all, we all are kids to her! :)
Well I'll end this blog on that note... Wish all of you a great Festive time ahead! :)
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
There has been a lot of stuff going on in life lately! Which I could not or chose not to tell anyone. Its so hard to just keep stuff inside. Not that its some secret but you need someone you can always call and count on, well, I do! The most important thing to me... my exam... seems so unimportant in light of a few unexpected stuff that happened.
This blog has somehow started to behave like the companion i always used to search in a few people and honestly never found, was either disheartened or left with my feelings unheeded! Today i find it much more convenient sharing stuff here...
I don't know what I'll do day after. The 150 minutes which I was so keen on spending well now seem more like the spur of the moment thing.
What surprises me is not the fact that the priorities of the mind can be so agile, the surprising part is you never know who would actually come forward to lend you a shoulder at the time when you need it the most. The ones expected seem to have lost all memory of your existence and the ones you never expect to have done something for you, work out-of-their-ways to make you feel better.
Is it that we can be so wrong in judging people? Or is it that people are not supposed to be judged and kept expectations with?
Sometimes I really wish I could be as insensitive as others. I wish I could ignore people, their feelings and just carry on with my sweet stuff. But then if I would, then it wouldn't be me anymore. I might be a little less worried, a little less cerebrating, but then I won't be myself to appreciate what I had become.
I am none to judge people. I am none to define any code of behavior, but if I had to accept the levels of insensitivity I see around me to trade all the worries I have in the world, I'd rather choose the pandemonium.
What I write today might not make sense to a lot of people. But wtf? None of you know whats going on in my head right now!
The good thing about blogging is, without letting your emotions spill, it can make you feel better. I, feel better already!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
There are people who like you and people whom you like... But you cannot like someone back just because he/she likes you. Very rational thought! But then why does it so happen that we behave differently when we are playing the other personality?
A friend of mine had quoted on FB "Like me or F OFF." Which I thought was kinda arrogant... but come to think of it, he is right in his place! You know... rather than you run behind people who think they are superior (which they are definitely NOT), just because you give them a little more importance, its better to be with the ones who like you! Its logical! Its a little .... blah!... but it still is logical!
But for me, liking someone is more of a mutual thing. If it isn't then it makes no sense! "Move On" is the quote for it...
TRUST: HOW do we trust someone? Or rather WHEN do we start trusting someone? Trust like liking.. is a mutual deal! I'll trust someone if he/she trusts me the same! Why would I trust someone who doesnt trust me?? :P But sometimes we end up trusting the wrong people! And even after falling into the pit we end up digging another one for ourselves.
Its said that Change is pre-requisite for growth. And today I am writing this blog to clarify a few things to myself... to justify a few things i have done in the past and to finally decide what i'd want to do in future.
10 things I have learned in the past 3 months:
1. People may seem nice. But nice people can be heartless!
2. Count on no-one but yourself.
3. Your Trust is something you should keep safely with you.
4. I am not answerable to anyone except myself!
5. To get what I want at the end of the day, I need to sideline some of my dearest desires.
6. I need to be focused as to what I want and not get influenced by random stuff.
7. Being polite and humble does not mean compromising with your self-regard.
8. Do not care for anyone other than family unless they really care for you.
9. Noone has the right to take you for granted.
10. Like me or F*** OFF! :P
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
India is not just people.
India is the celestial music,
And inside this music
Anybody from any corner of the globe
Can find the real significance of life."
There is something unique about this soil, which despite many obstacles has always remained the abode of great souls. Everyone of us would find pleasure in narrating endlessly, the great historical background, the culture and heritage of our motherland. But this is not exactly what I'd be doing in this blog of mine today. I have seen so many people talking so good abut India, about its natural beauty, about its amazing culture but I still am compelled to think, if they really know what it means to take pride in ones country.
I had a friend of mine, Abhay. I shouldn't call him a friend because he was senior to me by 2 years, but we were quiet close. He was a brilliant student, great in sports, a perfect all rounder! He was determined to be a scientist! A rocket scientist to be precise. A All India topper in English in his 10th CBSE, this guy chose to fly abroad and continue his research there. Ironically he never submitted to the fact that he isn't doing any good to his own country, always said.. "I'll make India proud there!" Today he is in the Cranfield University Space Research Center drawing a heavy pay check, enjoying his work.
I fail to understand that people so brilliant are unable to figure out that contributing to another country's research would NOT bring laurels to India. Or shall I quote it as, they just don't want to admit to it. Abhay is nowhere fallacious, but I, personally wouldn't rate him correct either.
Writing blogs about India doesn't make anyone a patriot. Talking big doesn't either. Adjectives don't require to be said out. They just show by themselves.
But this nowhere means the ones living in India and drawing smaller pay cheque are utter patriots.
I do not know what I'd be doing or where I would be tomorrow... May be I'll become the one I try and mock in this blog now...
We all know a lot about India and its culture and I am sure most of the people reading this space which I have painted in black and white may be in a position to write a lot better article on India. But one thing apart from the culture and the rich heritage in India; which India is known for is Simplicity!
One quality which we have been loosing on constantly over the years. Our bend towards sophistication has been perpetual. We get impressed by people who are smooth talkers and who can carry themselves well. We 'prefer' the company of those who are chichi, funky, kinky and more of these weird sounding adjectives. Its nothing wrong o be all these... but then wearing a synthetic, golden skin over your rough, ugly hull is not exactly what we'd appreciate!
But the real essence of India has come from the villages. Even today its said that the actual India dwells in the villages. Being simple does not mean to be any less smarter than anyone else. Being simple nowhere implies that you are orthodox. Being simple is, not being demonstrative. Being simple is being humble, being modest. A person who can forgive someone without any complaints is simple. If a person can be happy and smile throughout midst all his problems finding happiness is small things around, is simple. The one who does not forget where he has come from, is simple. A person who knows himself and does not pretend to be someone he is not, is simple.
This again does not mean that people who own a audi in their driveways are far from the quality. Simplicity is a characteristic quality. Which can co-exist with success! Ideally it SHOULD be that ways but it doesn't happen. Our self-regard is like a cat who time and again reaches the top of the tree and refuses to come down. Taming the cat is what we are talking about.
Friday, July 24, 2009
The Delhi High Court judgment which legalized consensual relations has given rise to a new drift in the already unstable ocean of baffled humans. Some are really happy and positive about the whole thing but a few of us aren’t very pleased! They say that even scientifically speaking, intercourse is a process of reproduction to ensure the continuity of the organism’s species. If this very purpose is not served then consensual relationships have no meaning at all! They should not be encouraged, certainly not by a governing institution like the Delhi High Court. A man was spotted saying -“This culture is not ours. Its driven from the west.” This apparently was a thought which the majority of the opposers shared. Another very strong point put forward was that homosexuals are HIV prone! It’s a proven fact that HIV is detected more often in homosexual couples.
On the other side of the argument stands the crowd who appreciate the open minded attitude of the High Court. They say that consensuality is a matter of personal preferences and no third party has any right to influence or determine any individual’s thoughts. Even the High Court gave its judgment stating that when the constitution says we shall not discriminate on the basis of sex, it also hereby implies sexual orientation. I saw in the news a person shouting from behind his shaded car window –“Oh God! My son will now be a gay!” I wish I could have told him that of-course his son would be a gay now, but not because of the high court judgment but because of his own sexual orientation and preferences.
Our customs and heritage have always served as the carapace to the hypocrites who pretend to be the saviors of our culture. Ethics have been and would continue to be the most frequently given reason to rule out the possibility of very rational changes! What are these ethics? Who defines them? We go on bending them as per our conveniences! When we need to oppose a broadly open thought we use them... When we have to justify ourselves we use them! But do we really understand what ethics are? To let the freedom of thought prevail, is ethics! To let awareness be spread is ethics. To let everyone earn their bread peacefully is ethics. A very famous author once said “your nose ends where mine begins”. I personally find it very relevant to our issue of consentuality!
We are a nation of different religions. And most of our religions do not permit consensual relations. In Islam it’s a gunah. Not to mention that even drinking and smoking is gunah as per Islam. So do we go out appealing to the court to penalize drinking and smoking too? What happens to our ethnic consciousness when a young girl is burnt alive in a village for dowry? Ethics are thrown out of the window when an adolescent is gang raped in a residential area. Ethics are molested everyday around us and we sit at homes sipping tea cribbing about violence and injustice.
Think what you would do if you come across a terrorist some day at the time of national unrest. If you have the gun and he is empty handed? If you know he has killed thousands of people? Would you pull the trigger? May be you would… to save yourself. I might. I am not sure, but yes! I might. But I’d ask what would be the thing which would have made him turn into a terrorist? Is it really his fault the way he appears to us today? Is he actually a threat or are we a threat ourselves? If a man offers a piece of break to a hungry orphan he is god for that kid! The child would do whatever this man tells him to. Even if he hands him a gun instead of a pen… the kid would not oppose. One, because he is not mature enough to understand. Two, because he trusts this terrorist. This is how 70% of all terrorists are made. Is it really their fault?
Think of those people who come and break shops on New Years’ eve and on Valentine’s day. Aren’t they terrorists? NO!! THEY DO IT FOR OUR CULTURE! If this is how we define and bend our definitions, I’d say HAIL OSAMA BIN LADEN! Because whatever he did was because he had cent percent conviction in it and he did it for jihad… his way of freedom… freedom to his own ways of living… his culture!
Today we live amongst hypocrites who live inside their cocoons of false self-regard and take pseudo pride in their ‘ethnic’ believes. Its not about terrorism or consensual issues. Its about us and our surroundings. When we wake up in the morning can we face ourselves and say that we are up to do the RIGHT THING? Ironically the answer everyone would give would be a YES… as we tend to define our own RIGHTS and WRONGS… bend definitions at our convenience and at the end of it all.. justify our stands.