Day X

I wake up with hopes to be,
What I always dreamt to be,
Wear my suit, get dressed,
And step out to give my best.

As the days pass,
My perseverence lasts,
For all I see,
Is happy faces around me.

I am not sad,
Not even mad,
I am just weaker than I used to be,
As I keep trying to be, what I dreamt to be.

Here I am,
Ready again, to prove myself,
To let the world see,
The story of my, aspired, victory!

Bhasad!

Here I am again! Painting this part of my computer screen in black and white, expressing what all I want to, telling tales, confessing stuff and letting my emotions flow.

After a year of hectic activities, academics, CAT, co-curriculars and youth organizations, I stand satisfied with myself. Four years back, out of disappointment, disbelief and amateurish decisions I landed up in Hyderabad in my very own college which I shall leave in a few days and never turn back to again... But I am really happy that I made all the decisions I made then, or I would have not been the person I am today.

These past years have been undoubtedly the most educating, pleasant and fruitful years of my life. I came here as a innocent, sincere guy; moved to be focused, more aware, then experienced the gentle breeze of romance until it turned out to be a blizzard, saw the insensitive side of the world, molded myself to fit in, made mistakes, lost my innocence like I never had it, got pushed down time and again, learned to rise back and be perseverant.

Finally, as I say in my every post, all that matters is NOW! Where I am and what am I doing. I have learnt things the hard way. I have been unethical and I have been a b*****d  and not many people might ever come to know about this part of my life, but it doesn't matter, cause I cannot escape myself. But then, I have learnt my lesson in the end.

I shall carry all this with me to start all over again at a new place with new hopes. The persevered path (in hindi... "Dhruv path") continues.... to become a better man.

I wanna grow old with you

"I wanna make u smile,
So you are never sad,
Carry u around when ur arthritis is bad,
All i wanna do is...... grow old with you.

I'll get u medicine when your tummy aches,
Builds u fire when the furnace breaks,
It cud be so nice,
To grow old with u!

I'll miss u,
Kiss u,
Give u my coat when u are cold,
Need u,
Feed u,
Even let u hold the remote control!

Let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink,
Put u to bed when u've had too much to drink,
I could be the man.... who grows old with u,
I wanna...... grow old with u!"

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

There comes a point in your life, when you realize who matters, who never did, who wont anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future. The reason may be you or them or just the circumstance, but chill! Cause if they'd care they'd be back, if not, who cares about it then anyways! 

There would always be new ones to add and a few dormant ones, who'd emerge to be your besties at some point. Loosing a bestie does hurt. But if I call them a bestie then i dont need to explain stuff to them! Isn't it how it was supposed to be? Angry with me, come shout! You think I messed up, may be I did, so what now? you'd just chicken out?? Naa! Thats not how it goes! Or rather it shouldn't have!

We have short-termed memories... Life is agile! I'd reiterate what I always say, "Real friends are those who survive phone-book transitions." 


Cheers to all my F.R.I.E.N.D.S. who were, are or would be my best! You'd always be special to me, independent of time!

Confessions...

My dad always says that at any point of time you just need to 'prove your worth.' Doesn't matter if you make it or you dont, you always get another chance.

Time heals everything and prepares you, makes you stronger for your future encounters...

All the things that have happened, everything I made happen and everything I wished would happen are immaterial. What is important is NOW. What I do, and why i do it. I am not the caring, innocent guy anymore.. And I don't really care. In fact it was high time that I learnt some lessons.

I've hurt people, I've been rude, I've been selfish. I am just another guy. I am not even smart. I just do what I have to sincerely. Even though I know I have grown, I still get cowed by people easily. Its just that now, when I get to see the real picture, it doesn't make me that sad. Not anymore.

I always knew I'd be materially successful in life. Now the dream to be a Snr manager in some big firm drawing a lakh per month isn't too far fetched. But the things I was more keen on achieving still lie in darkness.

I am not sad, but I am not happy either. I need more time... to become more insensitive, to get used to the not-so-nice stuff, to grow up. 

Coffee?

I havent been this idle since a very long time. Today I shall share what I think about people around me. I dont care about the world, this is what I know from the sample space I live in.

People pretend. Irrespective of their being good or bad. People lie. People are selfish. Not that I am any different, but I do wish things were. I have grown insensitive over time. Dont feel stuff as much as I used to. When you extract moisture out of a sponge, it gets rough.

Old friends take us for granted. When we wanna have lunch with them, they are on a diet! :)

It had been long since I made a new friend who'd be appealing enough to make me write my blog. Or, who'd give me that long needed moisture I was looking for. Alas I found one in the most unpredictable circumstances. Frank, cheerful, little egoistic and little more than good-looking.

I want more Coffee! :)

Ibn-e-Batuta

Wanderer is the favorite word of my mind out of the oxford these days. Any earlier time of life when i felt relaxed and in-control is nowhere near comparison to what I am going through these days. :) I played football almost after 4 years, I sketched for the first time in my life, some shit though. I hum around all day and am awake till late nights, wake up when I feel like and go to the nearest game parlor every now and then with friends!

Nothingness! Whatte beauty! :)

Bespeaking...

Give me some sunshine,
Cause I want to see..

Give me some flowers,
Cause I want to breath..

Give me some music,
Cause I want to play...

Give me some wine,
Cause I want to taste...

Give me that forgotten hug,
Cause I want to, be alive again..

Coercive Persuasion

The term Coercive Persuasion or mind-control refers to a process in which a group or individual systematically uses unethically manipulative methods to persuade others to conform to the wishes of the manipulator.

Well, the level of brutality depicted by the definition makes the term seem way too scary and out-of-bounds than it actually is. If we take out a little time to peep into our own selves, we all find this quality of "manipulation" within. The amounts might differ but we all would be proud owners of this quality. To clear the dust, think of a kid who can hardly speak yet, if he wants something he cries. And if you are observant enough, I am sure you would have noticed the cry is usually just vocal, lacking tears. This doesn't mean he is some super-intelligent mind-player who'd grow to be the next Hitler if not admitted to some really costly school. Its not that the child is not as pure at heart as he should be, its just common observation of the kid that a "cry" attracts more attention. And inherently all humans like attention, conclusions drawn from any infant's behavior.

This was the most basic form of the mind-games that humans play. Yes, we could say ki "Hum ye maa k peet se seekhke aae hai!" But this doesn't really die out here. It goes a long way! A daughter always knows how to act cute and get her dad buy her that huge soft-toy. A boy always knows how to grumble and get that G.I.Joe figure in the toy store. This is a very common behavior and cannot be pronounced wrong because in this case, the parents know that its a act being played by the kid to get his/her wish fulfilled and out of love they do get cowed by it.

The introduction to ugliness in mind-games comes in when a teenager gets into a relationship or may be just has a crush. To portray yourself to be text-book nice, to act like you like what he/she likes is somewhere a method to make the other one believe that "I am the ONE." Things could get ugly in this region but, lets avoid talking about bitching, back biting and gossip! ;)

Its been a very interesting debate as to who is a better manipulator, men or women? Its said that all the lack of muscle power in women is compensated by their skills.I would again prefer to leave this on the imagination and domain knowledge of the one reading this blog to define skills! lolz.. But in no way are men more decent or heavenly! Once a girl is true and genuine, there are a lot of disgusting mind-players out there to break their trust and change them into manipulators like themselves. In corporate offices you'll find a herd of such people irrespective of their gender!

Coercive persuasion is encountered basically in every part of our lives, may it be in our office, at home, within friends, practically everywhere. The magnitude might be different but there is no escape from it.

The game shall be played, you could be a pawn or the player! The choice is yours!

Moving ahead, looking backwards

Bidding adieu to the past year is a unavoidable tradition which is dependent on how prepared are we to welcome the future. Some of us just have fun and let it pass, some take pledges and try and stick to them in the coming year, and there are some who look back, take decisions and prepare themselves for a better future.

I wish to try the latter for a change. All these years I was the one who just had fun and let time pass without really thinking too much about 'changing' or 'self evaluation' or any other boring adjective present in the English dictionary. But 2009 has been a very unique experience. Saw a lot of new things, tried a lot of stuff, had fun, had my sad moments, I laughed as hard as I never did and I have cried my heart out at times. I dont think my life ever saw so many different emotions in any previous years.

So before I move on, I would like to thank everyone around me for they have helped me shape myself, thank everyone who have influenced me. Our personality is not decided by our sun-signs! Its our experiences and the kind of decisions we make which define us. So, all the people around me who have directly or indirectly given me shape for me being the person I am today, I sincerely thank everyone. I hereby intend to forgive everyone whom I was angry/unhappy/disappointed with and move on. In the end I would say I'd do the most difficult thing a person can do, I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for all the wrongs I've done in the past year. I forgive myself for being a jerk at times. I forgive myself to think senseless stuff and acting immature. I forgive myself for not forgiving people I should have. I forgive myself for trying to be someone I am not. And I promise myself that I would grow from this point on, to be a better man.

Love...