What goes around...

For a very long time I used to think, like anyone else would, that what matters is what we take back from an experience, an opportunity or a situation. Very recently did I realize that, that is not entirely correct. We live our lives in phases. School, then college, then a job, then a PG and finally another job or so... after each phase, we get a chance to rejuvinate ourselves. Learn from the previous phase and be better in the next one. 

Every time we move to the next chapter of life, we tend to evaluate the previous one by counting the tangible or intangible takeaways from it. Say, I got my vo wala bestie from my school days, and met that irritating guy at college. How much fun I had at the Sutta hangout and what not! 

Looking at it the way I do, how about, we evaluate these phases by what we have left behind? How about we ask the questions the other way round? Who all would actually stick around and consider us their besties? Or how many hate us for the things we did? This is what WE would have left behind. 

Most of us, consiously or unconsiously, addmitted or denied, care a little too much about our image and what others around, would think and percieve of us. But this happens only in day to day little tasks. When it comes to the things that matter, this image and concious observation  of conduct goes for a ride. This may be due to narrowed outlook or inability to see the larger picture but then this probably is the case most of the times. 

In day to day life, everyone tries to 'do the right thing', till the time it does not affect them. Everyone is an amazing judge of right and wrong till the time they are not involved in the situation at hand. The moment they are involved, all the rules of the game change. All of a sudden they go blind to all possible logic. The only right remaining is as they see it and everything else is categorized wrong. But lets not be so harsh, lets just say in everyday life, everyone wants to do the right thing in their own stride. Coming to answering the why... IMAGE!? Everyone wants to be seen as good, rightious and noble.

When we get into a fight and our opponent punches us, we are tempted to punch back! This does not relieve us of the pain but Arey! I had to give it back to him! There were 4 other guys in front of whom he hit me! How dare he?! So, this is just an example of image mantainance. In this case its the guy's ego in question. May be he saves it at that point but if now we ask what he is leaving behind, it would be an arch enemy lookign for another chance to punch him across his egoistic face! In case he would have kept quiet and left the place, probably he would have left behind an ashamed, angry lad, who might have even realised his mistake in time. Appologising and becoming friends would possibly be too far fetched, but anyways. 

This was all about how we treat RIGHT. Now lets talk about the WRONGS around us. We, the keepers of moral conduct, the epitomes of nobility, don't really do anything to right any wrongs. Instead we do what smart people should, just keep away. Well, so lets talk about preception again. Who defines the rights and wrong? Who grants us the authority to judge and even give conclusive decisions on anyone and everyone? So may be we are looking at things differently so they appear different to us. What seems wrong might not be the same in another prespective. But who would go ahead and burden oneself to actually explore all possibilities and decipher what is right and wrong, specially when none of this concerns him/her.

Easy way out, stick to what we think is right and act like gentlemen and declare the person in consideration, guilty. Follow the mob and fit in!

Diplomacy is something which would feel left out in all of the above discussion as it feels left out in our daily lives. A, B and C are friends. A and C fight. B has to choose a side! Or B is friendless! Not it doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong. In fact in most of the cases there is no right or wrong! Its just a difference of opinion. 

I guess, I have derived what I intended to from this article. I was trying to find an answer to these very thoughts and as I type, I can see the answer. It takes a little bit of maturity and a bit more of courage to stay away from the right and wrong battle. 

The point is not choosing the right or the wrong, what matters is how far can you keep situtaions where you would need to justify your right! And even if you can't, stick to what you truely believe in, because somewhere, someone will always consider you wrong. That's just the way the cookie crumbles!

Retrospection

It has been ages since I wrote... It has been ages since I did something creative in my personal space... It has been ages I stopped looked back and evaluating myself... It has been high time.

Long ago I wrote in this very blog, my dream, to earn a lakh per month.. It has come true.. I wrote I wanted to buy a car of my own and be independant. Its only a matter of a few more months and it shall be done.

Talking of earlier posts, I also wrote I'd learn from my mistakes and be a better man.  I am not sure if I've done that. I wrote I will be wiser and better in whatever I do. I cannot testify to that either.

May be I should try someting else instead of making promises which I don't keep and things which are too intangible to evaluate.  May be I need to be stronger. May be I need to be more serious about things in life.

As of today, everything is perfect. But then there are things which I would not want to let out. I have realised one thing, we never really value what we have. Even if we have strived for it and worked our asses off for it. Either it falls short of our expectations or it just becomes routine once we have it.

In these past 2 years at IMT, I have made the dearest of friends and lost a few of them as well. I have learned a lot. Uncompareable  amount of experience and maturity squeezed into these two eventful years of my life. But in the end, will I be able to walk out satisfied? Satisfied with the relationships I could manage to have inside this campus? Satisfied by the outputs of my work, may be in the placement committee or in acads or in my own personal life? Satisfied by myself?

Its often said that even if you loose, in the end, what matters is that you tried. I differ in thought. You cant always have an escape with this theory. You fail once, its fate, you fail again, may be bad luck but you cannot fail over and over again. You need to retrospect where you are going wrong. May be your efforts arent well directed or are misdirected may be! 

What remains constant over the years in my stream of thoughts is that NOW is what matters. It doesnt matter how many promises you broke or how many times you led yourself down. What matters is what are you doing about it now? There is always the red pill and the blue pill. You can have a thousand reasons to select the blue one. But only one reason to choose the red. The efforts should be to get yourself together to face that one reason and to make the right choice.

Day X

I wake up with hopes to be,
What I always dreamt to be,
Wear my suit, get dressed,
And step out to give my best.

As the days pass,
My perseverence lasts,
For all I see,
Is happy faces around me.

I am not sad,
Not even mad,
I am just weaker than I used to be,
As I keep trying to be, what I dreamt to be.

Here I am,
Ready again, to prove myself,
To let the world see,
The story of my, aspired, victory!

Bhasad!

Here I am again! Painting this part of my computer screen in black and white, expressing what all I want to, telling tales, confessing stuff and letting my emotions flow.

After a year of hectic activities, academics, CAT, co-curriculars and youth organizations, I stand satisfied with myself. Four years back, out of disappointment, disbelief and amateurish decisions I landed up in Hyderabad in my very own college which I shall leave in a few days and never turn back to again... But I am really happy that I made all the decisions I made then, or I would have not been the person I am today.

These past years have been undoubtedly the most educating, pleasant and fruitful years of my life. I came here as a innocent, sincere guy; moved to be focused, more aware, then experienced the gentle breeze of romance until it turned out to be a blizzard, saw the insensitive side of the world, molded myself to fit in, made mistakes, lost my innocence like I never had it, got pushed down time and again, learned to rise back and be perseverant.

Finally, as I say in my every post, all that matters is NOW! Where I am and what am I doing. I have learnt things the hard way. I have been unethical and I have been a b*****d  and not many people might ever come to know about this part of my life, but it doesn't matter, cause I cannot escape myself. But then, I have learnt my lesson in the end.

I shall carry all this with me to start all over again at a new place with new hopes. The persevered path (in hindi... "Dhruv path") continues.... to become a better man.

I wanna grow old with you

"I wanna make u smile,
So you are never sad,
Carry u around when ur arthritis is bad,
All i wanna do is...... grow old with you.

I'll get u medicine when your tummy aches,
Builds u fire when the furnace breaks,
It cud be so nice,
To grow old with u!

I'll miss u,
Kiss u,
Give u my coat when u are cold,
Need u,
Feed u,
Even let u hold the remote control!

Let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink,
Put u to bed when u've had too much to drink,
I could be the man.... who grows old with u,
I wanna...... grow old with u!"

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

There comes a point in your life, when you realize who matters, who never did, who wont anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future. The reason may be you or them or just the circumstance, but chill! Cause if they'd care they'd be back, if not, who cares about it then anyways! 

There would always be new ones to add and a few dormant ones, who'd emerge to be your besties at some point. Loosing a bestie does hurt. But if I call them a bestie then i dont need to explain stuff to them! Isn't it how it was supposed to be? Angry with me, come shout! You think I messed up, may be I did, so what now? you'd just chicken out?? Naa! Thats not how it goes! Or rather it shouldn't have!

We have short-termed memories... Life is agile! I'd reiterate what I always say, "Real friends are those who survive phone-book transitions." 


Cheers to all my F.R.I.E.N.D.S. who were, are or would be my best! You'd always be special to me, independent of time!

Confessions...

My dad always says that at any point of time you just need to 'prove your worth.' Doesn't matter if you make it or you dont, you always get another chance.

Time heals everything and prepares you, makes you stronger for your future encounters...

All the things that have happened, everything I made happen and everything I wished would happen are immaterial. What is important is NOW. What I do, and why i do it. I am not the caring, innocent guy anymore.. And I don't really care. In fact it was high time that I learnt some lessons.

I've hurt people, I've been rude, I've been selfish. I am just another guy. I am not even smart. I just do what I have to sincerely. Even though I know I have grown, I still get cowed by people easily. Its just that now, when I get to see the real picture, it doesn't make me that sad. Not anymore.

I always knew I'd be materially successful in life. Now the dream to be a Snr manager in some big firm drawing a lakh per month isn't too far fetched. But the things I was more keen on achieving still lie in darkness.

I am not sad, but I am not happy either. I need more time... to become more insensitive, to get used to the not-so-nice stuff, to grow up.