Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Of Vampires and the diaries...

I used to write when I had a thought worth writing about. Self-discovery, speculations, views and what not! This blog was my silent agony aunt. Now, things are different. I open this space whenever I recall that it exists. I write to discover if there is something deep inside of me that wants out.

Time teaches us maturity. It has been a while since I have been trying to define it. Is it exposure, travel, wisdom, us growing up with experiences, facing situations or how we shape ourselves after overcoming them? Every time I end up concluding and settling with a different answer. Now, I might be clueless about what maturity means, but I have figured that whatever it is, time is the only thing that teaches it. Yes, I am so clever!

There always is an ideal 'me' in our minds. The imaginary self which we wish to be. Our heroic self. And then, there is us. The real flesh and bone me. The constant pursuit of reaching that ideal self is mostly life. The problem is, that ideal me changes as we change with time and so the pursuit is never ending. Its a vicious circle! For every step we take, we find ourselves two behind. Basically our ideal self comes with a deadline/expiry date which we always tend to miss.
I really like generalizing my thoughts to everyone's. In my defense, taking this particular case in consideration, if one has that ideal self, constant and stationary, then either he/she is extremely far-sighted or extremely deluded.

I would like to believe that our shifting our ideal self from one level to the next is us getting mature.

On the last Friendships' day, a school mate FB msged me saying he hated me in school just because I was non-vegetarian! And now he realizes how stupid that was. Well, quiet a leap for his ideal self!

Those who know me would know how fond I am of movies, specially horror. These days I have been watching a lot of TV series! Saves me the trouble of looking for new movies every second day! Well, most of these series are either horror having ghosts, werewolves and vampires as heros and heroines! If I were to extend my theory of the ideal me pursuit to Vampires, they should all be Mahatmas! Think about it, living for around 500 odd years, they would be epitomes of self-perfection. This thoughts brings me to realize that the basic ingredient to the pursuit is intent.

Well, having said that I hope everyone in the world at least intends to better themselves. Or do you believe you are all perfect? Are you a vampire? :P

A few days back FB launched 'A look back' video which was a super smash with people with everyone posting their's! Yaay! If I were to meet my 5-years-ago-self, I dont even think we'd connect! And, I am nowhere near to what I would have hoped for myself then! lol... Well, that guy was a dodo! He had no clue.

Ahem, speaking of the past, I fondly remember the moments which were happy then and now make me nostalgic, makes me miss people I've lost or if not lost, have drifted away with time. I wonder how they would have grown to be, if we ever meet again, how would it be like. I wish we wouldn't have to explain, I wish we'd understand. I wish we do meet.

Maybe someday I'd truly understand what maturity is. Maybe someday I realize it doesn't matter. Maybe someday I'd find peace within myself.