Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Its all about love...

"Marriage is a sacred institution."

"Marriage is an unbreakable bond, tied with love and blessings-from-above."

"A successful Marriage requires falling in love many times with the same person."

We all have heard sweet, heavenly statements like these about marriage. Typical Indian cinema concludes itself with a happy ending, which usually is a marriage. Marriage is talked about like it is supposed to be the penultimate goal of a man/woman's life! After which, we just have to pursue our happiness in our 'settled' life. They call a married guy/girl settled, for the same reason, maybe!
So, as a bachelor everyone is Unsettled? Even if he/she earns well, maintains an independent house and are overall happy?

Anyhow, marriage takes away all credit for settling all of us in our lives, for sure. But that is not really what made me awaken this half-dead blog. What bothers me is the superlative hypocrisy surrounding the concept of marriage. For starters, I look at marriage as a formal ritual to declare to the world that the man and the woman are bound by love and the love is socially accepted, this day forward. Some may speak of the vows, but then aren't they already their in the hearts of the couple if they are in love.

We'll get to arranged marriage in a bit as my thoughts are more scandalizing about it. Anyhow, so this extravagant announcement of acceptance looses its purpose when its foundations are laid by greedy pundits singing tales of Raahu and Shani in hopes of looting big currency, in exchange for a highlighted colorful display of flowers n mantras, basically to settle the unrest generated in the minds of the family, by the pundit, for the pundit.

Not only is the acceptance dependent on bizarre meta-physical elements brought to light by the trustworthy punditji, even the after-party is subject to the proceedings. You should be able to afford a wedding! The bride's family has an extra burden of taking care of the Pati's favorite drive or the Saas's favorite jewelry, apart from the costly arrangements. The deal does not come easy, as usually, its negotiated against the level of education, color, caste, status and even looks of the Pati. 
And we thought only women were treated as objects in our society!

Anyhow, if you can't afford the after-party, there need not be a party at all! "Hum uuth jaenge."

However, the groom's family shells out a fortune too, to show how well-to-do they are and that they really did not need any generosity from the bride's family.
"Aakhir hume to bitiya se matlab hai. Chahe ek joodi kapdo mai hi aa jae! he he he"

So lets see what we have established,

Marriage = Public announcement

Announcement = V costly these days. Involves lot of money!!

Lot of money = Corruption!! Everyone wants their share!

Well, honestly the only way, to avoid this hypocritical show of care and affection and to avoid ur wedding turning into a potential sensational scam, is to have a registered marriage.
But then, the dramatic people that we are, the love of our lives, dream of their prince charming riding a horse and them wearing an unreasonably heavy saree with loads of jewelry, would never trade their dream with anything in the world!

"Marriages are about dressing up!"  - LOL (Love Of our Life)

I wonder how the couple would feel seeing their families get so embarrassingly illogical and humiliating over their happiness. Everyone seems to be worried about their own parallel motive.

When the fiesta finishes, the expectations of pure affection, the dreams to unite, when face reality to attain their destiny, are hardly as happy as were foreseen. The two most important people in the wedding, in the spotlight throughout, might actually end up feeling left alone. Unless they decide to just get over with it and be happy together! In short, unless they treat marriage as a formality, which I feel is really the case.

Such cynicism is inherent sometimes and I've grown to adjust with myself.

Ahem... Arranged marriage?

To all the hell, add two innocent souls who are strangers to each other, are unaware of what they are getting into, oblivious about the future, excited, scared, nervous, uncertain and somehow happy about it!

Sounds like a delight!

But eventually arranged marriages last longer. Its often said and is definitely true. Parents take the credit for it! As THEY choose the RIGHT match for their ward! YO!

But, sorry to burst your bubble mums and dads of the world, logic prevails! Strangers, when told that you are bound by a holy, invisible, supernatural bond which shall never be broken, tend to go out of their way to make it work and be the last reason for stress to that bond. Doing this, they end up being super nice and impressing each other, winning admiration and falling in love eventually! Then starts the honeymoon period where they kuuchi-koo their way to glory. By the time they get back to their senses, a year has passed and the better-half is expecting! Basically they are too held up in strides of time to fight and be discontent. By the time the sloppy period starts, its too late and they are too lazy to light up that fire again!

Love marriages start where arranged marriages end. Their kuuchi-koo period is long passe! They've been together for long enough to know one another in and out. Which means.. nothing is new! Its all routine! It ends up being like the desire to conquer the summit of a mountain. When you do.. its just you and cold wind... What next?! So, our married couple has lots of time to explore their differences, put their patience to test, argue, talk about their pasts and have a loud marriage, like literally, loud!

If we keep aside all the pomp and show, all the mess, all hipocracy, and try to figure out what really makes it last:

1. The desire to be together. (Love)
2. Understanding that they both would never do anything purposefully to hurt the other. (Trust/Respect)