Retrospection

It has been ages since I wrote... It has been ages since I did something creative in my personal space... It has been ages I stopped looked back and evaluating myself... It has been high time.

Long ago I wrote in this very blog, my dream, to earn a lakh per month.. It has come true.. I wrote I wanted to buy a car of my own and be independant. Its only a matter of a few more months and it shall be done.

Talking of earlier posts, I also wrote I'd learn from my mistakes and be a better man.  I am not sure if I've done that. I wrote I will be wiser and better in whatever I do. I cannot testify to that either.

May be I should try someting else instead of making promises which I don't keep and things which are too intangible to evaluate.  May be I need to be stronger. May be I need to be more serious about things in life.

As of today, everything is perfect. But then there are things which I would not want to let out. I have realised one thing, we never really value what we have. Even if we have strived for it and worked our asses off for it. Either it falls short of our expectations or it just becomes routine once we have it.

In these past 2 years at IMT, I have made the dearest of friends and lost a few of them as well. I have learned a lot. Uncompareable  amount of experience and maturity squeezed into these two eventful years of my life. But in the end, will I be able to walk out satisfied? Satisfied with the relationships I could manage to have inside this campus? Satisfied by the outputs of my work, may be in the placement committee or in acads or in my own personal life? Satisfied by myself?

Its often said that even if you loose, in the end, what matters is that you tried. I differ in thought. You cant always have an escape with this theory. You fail once, its fate, you fail again, may be bad luck but you cannot fail over and over again. You need to retrospect where you are going wrong. May be your efforts arent well directed or are misdirected may be! 

What remains constant over the years in my stream of thoughts is that NOW is what matters. It doesnt matter how many promises you broke or how many times you led yourself down. What matters is what are you doing about it now? There is always the red pill and the blue pill. You can have a thousand reasons to select the blue one. But only one reason to choose the red. The efforts should be to get yourself together to face that one reason and to make the right choice.

Confessions...

My dad always says that at any point of time you just need to 'prove your worth.' Doesn't matter if you make it or you dont, you always get another chance.

Time heals everything and prepares you, makes you stronger for your future encounters...

All the things that have happened, everything I made happen and everything I wished would happen are immaterial. What is important is NOW. What I do, and why i do it. I am not the caring, innocent guy anymore.. And I don't really care. In fact it was high time that I learnt some lessons.

I've hurt people, I've been rude, I've been selfish. I am just another guy. I am not even smart. I just do what I have to sincerely. Even though I know I have grown, I still get cowed by people easily. Its just that now, when I get to see the real picture, it doesn't make me that sad. Not anymore.

I always knew I'd be materially successful in life. Now the dream to be a Snr manager in some big firm drawing a lakh per month isn't too far fetched. But the things I was more keen on achieving still lie in darkness.

I am not sad, but I am not happy either. I need more time... to become more insensitive, to get used to the not-so-nice stuff, to grow up. 

Coercive Persuasion

The term Coercive Persuasion or mind-control refers to a process in which a group or individual systematically uses unethically manipulative methods to persuade others to conform to the wishes of the manipulator.

Well, the level of brutality depicted by the definition makes the term seem way too scary and out-of-bounds than it actually is. If we take out a little time to peep into our own selves, we all find this quality of "manipulation" within. The amounts might differ but we all would be proud owners of this quality. To clear the dust, think of a kid who can hardly speak yet, if he wants something he cries. And if you are observant enough, I am sure you would have noticed the cry is usually just vocal, lacking tears. This doesn't mean he is some super-intelligent mind-player who'd grow to be the next Hitler if not admitted to some really costly school. Its not that the child is not as pure at heart as he should be, its just common observation of the kid that a "cry" attracts more attention. And inherently all humans like attention, conclusions drawn from any infant's behavior.

This was the most basic form of the mind-games that humans play. Yes, we could say ki "Hum ye maa k peet se seekhke aae hai!" But this doesn't really die out here. It goes a long way! A daughter always knows how to act cute and get her dad buy her that huge soft-toy. A boy always knows how to grumble and get that G.I.Joe figure in the toy store. This is a very common behavior and cannot be pronounced wrong because in this case, the parents know that its a act being played by the kid to get his/her wish fulfilled and out of love they do get cowed by it.

The introduction to ugliness in mind-games comes in when a teenager gets into a relationship or may be just has a crush. To portray yourself to be text-book nice, to act like you like what he/she likes is somewhere a method to make the other one believe that "I am the ONE." Things could get ugly in this region but, lets avoid talking about bitching, back biting and gossip! ;)

Its been a very interesting debate as to who is a better manipulator, men or women? Its said that all the lack of muscle power in women is compensated by their skills.I would again prefer to leave this on the imagination and domain knowledge of the one reading this blog to define skills! lolz.. But in no way are men more decent or heavenly! Once a girl is true and genuine, there are a lot of disgusting mind-players out there to break their trust and change them into manipulators like themselves. In corporate offices you'll find a herd of such people irrespective of their gender!

Coercive persuasion is encountered basically in every part of our lives, may it be in our office, at home, within friends, practically everywhere. The magnitude might be different but there is no escape from it.

The game shall be played, you could be a pawn or the player! The choice is yours!

Unexpected Circumstances

Day after tomorrow I have my 1st MBA entrance exam and I am here writing this blog. There are a lot of moments in life where you feel like doing something which you know is not the RIGHT thing to do... but you still do it.

There has been a lot of stuff going on in life lately! Which I could not or chose not to tell anyone. Its so hard to just keep stuff inside. Not that its some secret but you need someone you can always call and count on, well, I do! The most important thing to me... my exam... seems so unimportant in light of a few unexpected stuff that happened.

This blog has somehow started to behave like the companion i always used to search in a few people and honestly never found, was either disheartened or left with my feelings unheeded! Today i find it much more convenient sharing stuff here...

I don't know what I'll do day after. The 150 minutes which I was so keen on spending well now seem more like the spur of the moment thing.

What surprises me is not the fact that the priorities of the mind can be so agile, the surprising part is you never know who would actually come forward to lend you a shoulder at the time when you need it the most. The ones expected seem to have lost all memory of your existence and the ones you never expect to have done something for you, work out-of-their-ways to make you feel better.

Is it that we can be so wrong in judging people? Or is it that people are not supposed to be judged and kept expectations with?

Sometimes I really wish I could be as insensitive as others. I wish I could ignore people, their feelings and just carry on with my sweet stuff. But then if I would, then it wouldn't be me anymore. I might be a little less worried, a little less cerebrating, but then I won't be myself to appreciate what I had become.

I am none to judge people. I am none to define any code of behavior, but if I had to accept the levels of insensitivity I see around me to trade all the worries I have in the world, I'd rather choose the pandemonium.
What I write today might not make sense to a lot of people. But wtf? None of you know whats going on in my head right now!

The good thing about blogging is, without letting your emotions spill, it can make you feel better. I, feel better already!

Perpetual Stimulus

After every two months we realize what we used to think two months earlier was kiddish. Well this is one way of saying that we are growing. Or say, changing? Today I realize that the people I like need not like me back! It was no rocket science to figure it out but it was somehow hard for me to digest. Finally my intestines have done the job! :P

There are people who like you and people whom you like... But you cannot like someone back just because he/she likes you. Very rational thought! But then why does it so happen that we behave differently when we are playing the other personality?

A friend of mine had quoted on FB "Like me or F OFF." Which I thought was kinda arrogant... but come to think of it, he is right in his place! You know... rather than you run behind people who think they are superior (which they are definitely NOT), just because you give them a little more importance, its better to be with the ones who like you! Its logical! Its a little .... blah!... but it still is logical!

But for me, liking someone is more of a mutual thing. If it isn't then it makes no sense! "Move On" is the quote for it...

TRUST: HOW do we trust someone? Or rather WHEN do we start trusting someone? Trust like liking.. is a mutual deal! I'll trust someone if he/she trusts me the same! Why would I trust someone who doesnt trust me?? :P But sometimes we end up trusting the wrong people! And even after falling into the pit we end up digging another one for ourselves.

Its said that Change is pre-requisite for growth. And today I am writing this blog to clarify a few things to myself... to justify a few things i have done in the past and to finally decide what i'd want to do in future.


10 things I have learned in the past 3 months:

1. People may seem nice. But nice people can be heartless!
2. Count on no-one but yourself.
3. Your Trust is something you should keep safely with you.
4. I am not answerable to anyone except myself!
5. To get what I want at the end of the day, I need to sideline some of my dearest desires.
6. I need to be focused as to what I want and not get influenced by random stuff.
7. Being polite and humble does not mean compromising with your self-regard.
8. Do not care for anyone other than family unless they really care for you.
9. Noone has the right to take you for granted.
10. Like me or F*** OFF! :P